Low Confidence: Coping Mechanisms to Avoid
Growing up, I never had much confidence because I was unhappy with my body, and no one around me was building me up. Over the years, I gained some coping mechanisms to hide the fact that I wasn't happy.
I'm going to write about 2 aspects that used to be a part of my life that would stop me from growing in the hope it will help someone.
This is the first one I would do to hide my low confidence:
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I love being optimistic, but it's come to my attention that because of my past that I'm only positive to others when they need help and not to myself. So, to help turn the positivity on to me, I've started a few things this year like:
1. I've got a jar that every day I write a note about something good that happened that day then put it in the jar, so even if I've had a bad day, I'll always find something good. Even on the bad days, I've always learnt a lesson from a negative and, to me, that equals a positive.
2. At the start, I said that I had no one around me building me up and that had to change, so I let go of people bringing me down. This part of the healing process was challenging, but now I am just showered with unconditional love from my boyfriend, friends, and family.
3. I've also started practising positive self-talk, not letting me say anything to myself I wouldn't say to others. Just think what I would say to someone in the same situation, then take your advice because why should you be treated any different.
This is the second thing I would do to hide my low confidence
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Helping others isn't bad because it helps with so many things like building trust and friendship but obsessing over it like it's the only thing you can do can overwhelm you and others. Then you reach a breaking point.
Some ways that helped me to start putting myself first are:
1. Saying no. It doesn't mean you're being rude; it just means you appreciate and understand your worth. You are carving out time for yourself. Start by declining simple requests, such as if your friend offers an invitation to a party you don't want to attend. If you don't want to say "no," try finding another solution that would work for you. Instead of saying "no," say "I'll try, and make it if I can".
2. Secondly saying no is not the main fault a people-pleaser can do; instead, it is how they say no. When people use the word "can't" instead of "don't," it is simpler for them to pressure you into doing something. If you respond that you can't, they will question why and offer an argument against what you feel is valid. "Don't", on the other hand, provides a distinct barrier and gives you the opportunity to seem much more assured and purposeful.
"I don't want to watch that" sounds more powerful than "I can't watch that."
3. If you have done something you feel good about or are proud of, such as drawing you done, handling a difficult situation well or making a presentation for work. Trust your own opinion that it is good. This can build confidence in yourself and show that your idea of yourself matters and makes you happy, not others.
4. Be honest with others and let them know if they have offended you. Avoid excuses like "I'm sorry, I'm just really sensitive,". This destroys any confidence you may have had after speaking your emotions out loud. This is healthier because hiding your genuine feelings can result in bitterness, relationship tension, and medical issues.
I hope this helps others notice different coping mechanisms and gives advice on how to help them stop and gain some more confidence in yourself.
If you need any help contact me on any of my social media platforms that are linked to this page or use the chat function on the website.
